


Dragons & More Dragons

by Reyanth



Category: Twisted-Wonderland (Video Game)
Genre: Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:21:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24825979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reyanth/pseuds/Reyanth
Summary: Azul really ought to have screened the character sheets in advance...and somebody probably should have given Malleus the time and place.100% D&D-based crack.
Relationships: Everyone+Malleus Draconia
Comments: 9
Kudos: 41





	Dragons & More Dragons

**Author's Note:**

> That time I realized mid-session that Malleus is the ultimate tiefling...

Azul: Esteemed members of the Nightraven D&D club, welcome to our first meeting. Please hand me your character sheets so that I might approve them.

Leona: Like I need your approval.

Jamil: Not that sort of approval, puddy-tat.

Riddle: Azul is the DM. His word is law at this table.

Leona: Whatever. My character is perfect. Approve away.

Azul: All right, let's see here... Oh? Dracius Mallonea. A tiefling sorcerer, huh? What a coincidence. I have plans for an NPC along those lines... It will certainly be interesting tn see how they interact... Leona... You're not playing a chaotic evil character. Change the allignment, please.

Idia: W-Wait... Leona's a tiefling sorcerer, too?

Azul: ...Too? Let me see that... Well, well. It looks as if we have two tiefling sorcerers... Lawful neutral? Very well. Your, uh... 'Malefilius' is approved.

Leona: Malefilius...? No. No way. I got in first. We can't both be tiefling sorcerers.

Floyd: Ahahaha. Great minds think alike!

Azul: Floyd...? You don't mean...

Jade: Floyd and I rolled up twin tiefling warlocks. Draco and Malleo. 

Azul: Anyone else make a tiefling? Of course you did, Lillia... You, too, Rook? 

Rook: Tiefling ranger.

Lillia: Tiefling necromancer. Wait, what did you pick, Silver?

Silver: A paladin... Human.

Vil: Well, at least I know how to be original. My elven wizard is unique!

Riddle: That's the most obvious character ever!

Vil: Oh? And what did you choose? A lawful good halfling cleric?

Riddle: ...

Rook: (More like lawful evil.)

Riddle: I heard that!

Azul: Malleus, what did you...? Where is Malleus?

Lillia: He's really looking forward to playing. I'm sure he'll be here soon.

Silver: I have his character sheet.

Azul: Well? Huh... Malleus is playing a neko barbarian... Named... AHAHAHAHAHAHA! That's golden!

Jamil: What'd he call it? Leon?

Azul: Here... I can't...! AHAHAHA!

Jamil: ...Fluffeona? Wow... Someone's gonna get hurt...and it probably won't be Malleus. Anyway. Can we get on with this? I'm a drow rogue, by the way.

Azul: I'm a little skeptical about our pack of tieflings, but it can't be helped. Rolling up new characters now would delay the game. Let's just see how we... Vil, you can't just dump all of your stat points into charisma! Someone please help him fix this!

Idia: Um... I can help... I've made a lot of wizards.

Silver: Shouldn't we wait for Malleus?

Azul: Lillia can control...Fluffeona...heh...for now.

Leona: He can't call it that!

Azul: I'm DM and I'm allowing it. Did you reselect your allignment?

Leona: Neutral.

Floyd: Ooh, true neutral. Cool. Heheh. Draco is chaotic good!

Jade: My lawful evil Malleo looks forward to keeping him in line.

Rook: My Lizardo is going to be watching  
you two closely, just so you know. And he's not above shooting errant party members in the foot.

Riddle: You all better respect the law or Heartia won't be healing you!

Silver: Don't worry too much. Silvio has some healing ability.

Idia: Gloriana Vaneweather is all fixed! And I spent a little gold to get some poison vials Vil wanted, if-if that's okay...

Azul: Sure. Why not? Shall we get started, then? In a small, seaside village, an ominous fog roles in off the waves...

*Meanwhile, in the Diasomnia dormitory...*

Malleus: Ahem... Greetings. I'm Fluffeona! Pleased to make your acquaintance! No... Way too OOC. Hello. You can call me Fluffeona... Fluffeona's the name. Perfect... Hm? Weren't we supposed to start twenty minutes ago? Where are we playing, anyway...? Lillia? Silver?

Sebek: They're both off playing a game or something, but I'll see to anything you need.

Malleus: Why...didn't anyone come get me? Does everyone hate me that much...?

*Meanwhile, back at the tiefling farm*

Azul: When you follow the guard into the back room of the tavern, you are met with the sight of a tiefling woman so elegant and alluring that she puts the night sky to shame. She stands and opens her arms wide, beseeching you all for your aid in a grave matter.

Leona: I pledge my allegiance!

Jade: I bow graciously and offer my services.

Floyd: I run up and hug her and promise I'll help her out!

Rook: I take aim at her heart with an imaginary bow and promise her I always strike true.

Lillia: I smile silently and wink.

Idia: I blush and mumble a promise to do my best to help her.

Jamil: My drow points out that we don't even know what she wants yet and calls you all morons.

Vil: Is she prettier than me?

Azul: Let's say, yes.

Vil: I say nothing and prepare a vial of poison.

Riddle: Do I notice this?

Azul: Roll for perception.

Riddle: 17 total.

Azul: You do not. You're too mesmerized by the tiefling woman's sleek black horns and raven hair.

Silver: She sounds beautiful!

Jamil: You're all so transparent...

Silver: Uh, well, I, uh... I ask what it is she would ask of us. 

Lillia: Oh! I'm controlling Fluffeona, right? Well, Fluffeona is practically drooling, so he's going to interrupt and confess his undying love right here and now.

Azul: Roll for perception.

Lillia: Aha! A natural twenty!

Azul: Wow... Fluffeona...sees the way the guard shifts angrily, hand on the hilt of his sword, and instantly realizes the guard and the woman are involved.

Leona & Lillia: Fluffeona attacks the guard.

Azul: ...Seriously?

Rook: I'm drawing my crossbow.

Azul: Whoo boy... Roll for initiative.

*Meanwhile, in the pitch black, lonely void of the Diasomnia dormitory...*

Malleus: I should have known nobody would want me around... I just wanted to pretend to be someone cool and popular for a change. Farewell, Fluffeona.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorrynotsorry
> 
> Join me at https://discord.gg/83pPzaZ a Twisted Wonderfic community! 
> 
> Discuss your favorite pairings, hear first-hand about updates, see teasers, promote your own work, check references, bask in your ships, get game tips, and more!


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